Perhaps, Should not treated as a Competition

Why I like to compete in a race that has no winner??
Even there is a winner I'm not the one...
But I'm still not admitting I'm losing...
I hate this feeling...
Just let me forget it and there are many competitions waiting for me...

I was once thought that I was the only contestant in this race but there's still more...
I was not serious that time perhaps...
I've tried my best after that and the result is the organizer said that the race is invalid...
Might be postponed and that time I might unqualified to take part...
But it become a tough race and there is only one champion...


Maybe the organizer had chosen the winner and does not want to let me know...
Cause I was seeing the champion was taking the trophy secretly...
Or I just too sensitive...
I was not trusting the organizer's word as those were like excuses to me...
Can you just give me a persuasive reason to stop competing
I was trying to take part in other races but I still want to finish this race...
Really lost direction...